Hello all! I have created this blog to help spouses out like me. I am a wife to an Iraqi Freedom Vet with Combat PTSD! I know that life is not a bed of roses with PTSD! If you are a spouse and have a support group that you go to great! I am not that lucky. I met my husband in our Junior year of high school and we have been together ever since! This blog is about the not so great, the ugly and the bad is loving someone with Combat PTSD form my point of view! I am hoping that I can help at least one person or a marriage out there! We have been dealing with Combat PTSD since September 2003 and he didn't get help until 2008. Yes, my husband is a Marine and was to proud to ask for help. He thought that he didn't need help because he was numbing himself with alcohol. He has stopped drinking heavy since 2008 and every now and then he will have one beer.
I know that someone reading this who is not dealing with Combat PTSD spouse might be thinking that I am crazy for staying with my husband. No one can really understand it unless they are living it. I LOVE and CARE about my husband to much to walk or run away from him! The divorce rate for combat Ptsd vets is very high.
Being the wife I have duties to know what my husband's triggers are such as some t.v. shows, movies and others. Some times he has new triggers and I have to keep an eye out. I sometimes feel like a mother hen. I just don't want him to have nightmares. Flashbacks will always be there since PTSD can never go fully away. People just know how to control it. My husband just keeps his mind busy with other things as much as he can.
The day that he came home from the war was very hard on both of us. I was very excited that he was back home but I could tell that something was very different. That night while I was trying to go to sleep I heard him yelling and tossing around. The next morning he was so tired from having so many nightmares. This week on for a little while. One night I rolled over and was going to put my arm around him. Before I could get my arm around him he jumped up and had his hands around my throat. I did everything that I could to wake him up. When he was wake I asked him what was going through you mind and he said"I thought that you were an Iraqi trying to grab my bullets.". He felt so bad. I told him that I was ok and that I still love him very much. The next couple of days I slept on the couch so we could avoid anything else. I knew then that my high school sweetheart that I fell in love with was gone and the Combat Vet with PTSD was my new future. It was like meeting him all over again. It was very hard in the begging.
We did go to a couple's debriefing but it was more of a joke than anything. At least we got a laugh out of it! He got out in 2004 and he can get help through the VA but as a spouse there is no where for me to go.
I hope you enjoyed reading my blog. Please feel free to post a reply and tell everyone who might be going through anything like this.
April - I think it's very good that you're talking about. I obviously have never been through anything like this but I'm always here to lend an ear if you just need to talk! Praying for peace for both of you guys. I can only imagine how hard it is on both of you and your marriage. You are a very good woman for sticking by your husband and marriage...through thick and thin!
ReplyDeleteThank you Amiee! That means a lot. I am always worried if I told anyone who didn't understand what I was going through would think that I was crazy and lost my mind. I promise that I am not crazy and I have not lost my mind! Thank you for commenting!
ReplyDeleteApril, first thank you for starting that Blog. I know that it will help you in ways that you do not yet understand. I guess the only thing that I can say is that you need to remember that yes we all changed in ways that we still don’t understand or are able to control, but the love that we feel for our family’s will never change. He is a new Phil but you are the same April. He would fix everything IF he could. I would say this and it may sound bad. We all are paying a very big price for serving our country because we love it and believe it’s worth fighting for, now unfortunately it’s a price that our wives have to pay as well. Phil is worth fighting for and I am sure that you agree. No matter what happens or what may be said he loves you more than anything. Don’t give up on him.
ReplyDeletePhil is a GOD of WAR! We stomped the ground where others fear to walk. He should always be proud of who he is.
Let him know that ANYTIME he ever needs to talk I will be here for him (and you)
Thank you Shane that means a lot to me! I really do hope that I can help someone who feels like I do. I will never ever give up on him! I love him eith everything that I have! I know that he loves me the same way! I know that y'all would change back if y'all could. Trust me nothing he said or has done to me has ever made me feel like I should run from him. Trust me has done things that I never thought he would ever do. I know it is not him but the PTSD. In my nezt post I talked about living in hell because that is what it felt like. I know that some Marines might look at this and say I shouldn't have done this but I have a voice and I am going to use it! I just hope that one day soon the military will have some sort of thing for wives to go to understand that their husband will not be the same with PTSD. I know that would have helped me out and I am sure that your wife might feel the same way. I am never ashamed that he was in the war and I have always been proud of him! I am sticking with the Marines moto: Always Faithful! That is how I am to him! I will always be here for him! If I can be there for someone else to get them through a touch time I am here!
ReplyDeleteWe are here for y'all too! We might be family by blood but we are family by the Marines! Take Care~Semper Fi~